My thoughts on my life so far.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to choose the other choices in my life. I never really gave too much thought about it. I've always expected myself to do something greater each day for the past few years in my old school. Always think of trying harder even though I never really did try. I always spent my time alone even in school or at home. I have never gone out much since all of my friends in the past were long gone. I thought of myself as a useless waste and imagined what would happen if I were to just not exist from the beginning. I never really knew what's outside the little world I made. I thought to myself that I deserved everything bad about the things I failed to do. I know that my old classmates weren't targeting me or bullying me this whole time. I just didn't get anything, I never really got what a joke is, or how people socialize with one another. The only thing I ever knew was to follow obediently, do assignments, and stay put when doing nothing. Whether it was a group project or something I just stuck to follow every single command my leader said. I never tried things I know I don't have a chance on. After the time when one of my precious treasures was gone, I lost it. My dad died of brain cancer. He was one of the people that I could approach without fear. He always was there to talk to me when I was alone. He taught me everything about morals and he told his stories about his own experiences when I'm down. I thought it was that everything was over. I lost my meaning, my wish, my dreams. I thought that my father had truly beaten cancer but I was mistaken, all of those prayers and all of those lies told to me by my family were pointless. I lost all of it in that one night. People around me soon discovered that and were quick to comfort me. I appreciated it but it never really helped me move on. I still think that maybe I could've done something and maybe he would've lived. I know that my family tried to comfort me because they already knew after that check-up that this was my father's fate. I still haven't moved on yet. Even after a few years I still haven't moved on yet.

But as soon as I enrolled in another school. Every fear I had built up, every ounce of anxiety I had, and everything I knew about people that surround me wasn't true at all. In fact, everything I thought and expected was simply wrong. Everyone I met inside PCU was nice. It felt warm instead of being desolated. I never thought I would socialize with anyone other than meeting the requirements that I need that they possibly have. I always thought of myself as a low and insignificant person but now I think I'm happy with what I got today. Sure I wished that I was more confident but there's no wishing for that anymore. I'm happy with what I got and I wish that it stays that way. Although at the start of my life was simply miserable due to not understanding people, now I'd like to think that it's slowly getting bright again.

Don't get me wrong I still have fears about what certain action I would do in the future, or problems on myself I still need to solve but now I have learned that I can rely on people I care about and to return that favor to them. 

In short thank you my dear friends, classmates and teachers, old or new. Without you I would never turn out this way. 

And Thank you for reading this post of mine.

Here are some of my treasured moments in this new life I have: